De-escalation skills for everyday work
Most workplaces will never see a hostage crisis, but many staff deal with upset people every week. The same listening skills help.
Five steps
- Stay safe. Keep a comfortable distance and a clear exit. If someone threatens violence, leave and call for help.
- Slow down. Lower your voice, breathe and give the person time.
- Listen first. Let them explain without interrupting. Use short encouragers such as "I see" or "Go on".
- Label the emotion. "It sounds like you are really frustrated." People often calm down when they feel understood.
- Offer choices. "I can call the manager now, or I can take your details and call you back by three. Which works better?"
Phrases to avoid
| Avoid | Try |
|---|---|
| Calm down | I can see this has been really frustrating |
| That is our policy | Here is what I can do right now |
| You need to | Would you be willing to |
| I know how you feel | Help me understand what happened |
Know when to get help
Bring in a manager, security or emergency services when there is a threat, a weapon or a person at risk of harm. If someone talks about harming themselves, take it seriously. In the United States, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline can be reached by call or text.
After the incident
Write down what happened, tell your manager and talk to someone about how it affected you.
A short practice scenario
Situation: A customer at the front desk raises their voice because an order is late for the second time.
Try: "I can hear how frustrating this is, especially the second time. Let me check exactly where it is right now. Can I have your order number?" Then give one concrete next step and a time you will update them.
Body language
- Stand at a slight angle rather than face to face.
- Keep hands visible and relaxed.
- Avoid pointing, crossed arms or standing over someone who is seated.
- Match a calm pace, not their volume.